It's been awhile

Yes I do .

I want to loose 20 lbs by August 1st. NOT ALL THAT A NEED TO LOOSE. But a number that doesn't seem scarey.

DID I mention that my Friend gave me a trial workout to Curves?

Well she did.
She told me she was the one to give me the kick in the butt I needed.
THEN I joined.
It was a Christmas Present from JACK, and today was my first measure and weigh in since Before Christmas.

Now I have been sick alot since then so sometimes I have only gone once a week.
Sometimes Twice a week.
My period is about to start so not the best time to weigh and measure in.
Can you say bloating?
But the last 3 weeks I have gone 3 times a week. My goal.

And I have lost 8.25 inches over all and 1.50 lbs.

I feel GREAT about that.

Now if I can get the Chips and Dip and POP out of my life things will drop faster.

I LOVE Curves.

Why does this always happen to me?

I have no one to blame but myself.

Absolultely NO ONE.

I've gained all the weight I lost at Weight Watcher's back.

I was waiting till My Son was in school to join Curves.

He's there, in school.

Jack tells me there is no money left for me to join and that I should learn to workout at home.

He doesn't mean it to be mean.

And I totally understand that it is about Money.

He gets to go to a gym. Although he gets it really cheap.

SO my Health is left till we pay down the line of credit and catch up on a few bills.

It's not like I don't have work out tapes. I have tons. I just have to get myself in the routine of doing them.

Sounds like something to do for tomorrow.

But I so wanted toJoin Curves. I know I would love it.

Needless to say I am dissappointed.

Again.

Scales

The curse of mankind and woman kind.

I just got on mine thinking I was eating better and should have lost a pound or two. NOPE I've gained 3. FUCK! I'm offically back where I started from last year before I joined Weight Watchers. When I started with WW I found that I could do it. That I could cheat and still loose weight but like everything else in my life I (or to do with weight) I lost interest in keeping a log of the foods I eat. I found it hard to go to meetings with my son in tow. He doesn't sit still long enough to let me listen and then he wouldn't play with the other kids. Glued to me. The leader kept telling me to exercise. Yeah I said I will. I tried but SHIT The kid thought it was play time and would run infornt of me where I just might kick him (Yes I was tempted but I resisted) I even resorted to locking him out of the room. All I heard over one two three was MOMMY LET ME IN and banging so hard I thought the door would come off the hinges. Tears, screaming and now it was not me . You say give him time to get used to it. After a month I quit. He is one stubborn kid.

So I'm hoping with september and my new freedom comes and new lease on life and a new me. All I want to loose is 25 lbs for now. Well see about the rest later.

So now I'm off to pick up my daughter with a weight problem. ONE who lost weight and can't get it back on. The way I used to me in the good old days.

Chow (ON Salad for now)

Hugs

What Diet books have you read?

Yup...I've read quite a few.
I hunt the bargin book section at Chapters trying to see what diet book is there. I've read everything from the Eat for your blood type to Oprah to Dr.Phil. All of them had something I could use, except a quick fix. Don't eat this, eat that, sweat, walk, move, Eat 1200 caloires a day. All of it I've tried to some extent but then it happens. I'm hurgry or bored and I eat. Where's that miracle diet I keep hearing about but it never shows up? Where is that Fix I need?

Isn't that what we all want "the quick fix" or a magic pill that will shed pounds and suck up loose skin and make us look like they do in magzines or at least the I used to when I was young. No straving, no exercise, just a pill to make you feel happy and thinner.

I'm the worse one to look in the mirror. There are days I feel I don't look to bad. I'm not fat, just out of shape. The I see myself in a picture or on video like at my daughters party a few weeks ago and say Who the HELL is that Fat lady. SHIT It's ME! In my head I'm still 130 lbs like I was on my wedding day. Now I wobble, you know the walk of someone that finds it hurts to walk? I don't stroll like I used to. My knees are beginning to tell me You've got to do something or your going to be in that line for Knee replacement surgery. YUP. ME. So how the hell am I supposed to exercise and get in shape if my knees are telling me "Woah Chickie that hurts! Not on my beat. "

Maybe I should get a oil can and start oiling up?

In the last couple of days people have said I look thiner. To bad the numbers on the scales have not said that. I know how to dress to hide whats coming out in places I don't want. It annoys the heck out of me that I can not eat the way my skinny friends do. I've seen what they eat. I have one friend, grant you she is nursing, but anytime, if she is Pregnant, nursing or not she can pack it away. I know it's not her fault it's genetics but SOB I would love to be able to eat like that.

Yesterday while waiting for the kids to come out of a movie, I went bra shopping. OH BOY what a treat. I love all the cute little bra's for a smaller cup size and then you get to me. Of course I took the wrong size into the change room with me. I was remembering what I used to be way back in the day before Nathan. I thought I was a C cup and a 38..... apparently I'm a DD and a 40. When did this happen. Crap when I got married I was a 34 B. AND NOW A 40 DD. Yeah I'm saggy after nursing two kids but gee whiz there is no way in hell I'm that big. I walked out without buying a thing.

Then there is trying to rein in the mid section. I pop out over the tops of my jeans. I always have a roll. Hate it. I know, do something. I feel like I waiting for my life to beging again after having kids. Even in my 30s I was not as heavy as I was today.

As I think back I always thought I was big. Even when I was a small as my daughter. Today I can't figure out why. I always was trying to hide certain body parts, the only thing I liked about me was my legs. Now I'm not even sure I like them.

I know I don't want to be small again but toned and less fat would be nice. OH Curves can't come soon enough.

Just got back from a Funeral

Yup. It was a sad day. A lady I know dropped dead from a massive heart attack last week, she was also my sister in laws aunt. Wonderful woman . She will be missed.

But as I'm at the luncheon after the burial I am thinking how much food should I put on my plate? I'm hungry it's 1 and all I had for breakfast was 1 piece of whole grain toast and cheeze and 2 cups of tea. As I'm sitting there eating looking at all the thin people around me. I wonder if I took too much. I know I could have eaten more but I reserve myself so i don't look like a pig. Heck the man next to me has as much food as I do and he's 6'5 and 300 lbs to say the least. All I took was on sandwich and some salad. I wonder if other people hold back when they are out to make sure they don't eat too much. Too look bad. I do this all the time. Then I see paper thin people , ok thinner, than I eating twice as much and getting away with it. I wonder what I am doing wrong. I know people have different metabolisms and can burn faster than but Why can't I get mine into high gear. I would love a pill that does that. I've had my thryroid checked nothing wrong there. I'm fine can't blame nothing but over eating and poor food choices. BUT here again I have less packaged food in the hosue than most of my firends or family and I'm the one with the weight issues.

Even when I worked out every day my weight never moved. Totally ticks me off. I so swore I would never be as fat as my mother...but here I am. Shorter than her and just as heavy.

It's so totally not fair. I watch what I eat but I totally would ahve to strave to loose anything. I swear there is something wrong, but there isn't.

So much for my fat bitch session today.

Hello world this si about me and my weight

HI all...

I've just had a rude awaking.
It's not like I didn't see it, I just totally ignored it, or turned a blind eye to it.
I'm FAT.
I'm BIG.
And I don't know how I got there. well yeah I do, I love to eat. And Hate that I have to eat to survive.
I've tried diets but I'm weak. I lost some weight with Weight watchers but I never reached the 10 lb mark.
I exercised for a while and was seeing some progress for quiet some time but then I hurt myself and fell off the exercise wagon. NOW it seems I'm worse off than ever,.

What you ask, Woke me up. Well my Daughter just turned 16 last week. On the weekend we had a party for her. ANd my sister was here and helping me film it. I seen myself for the first time. Walking...no waddling. I HATE IT. When I got married I was super skinny and I swore I would never get fat. I hate exercise. Would rather sit and read. Plus a lady I know just dropped dead last week at 54. Never exercised and walked like me. Although she was taller.

I'm 5'4" and 190lbs. NOT good on my strong frame. If money was no object I would try anything to help me loose weight. ANYTHING.

So this is my personal and public struggles to loose weight and get healthy for myself first of all and my family. I can't live like this anymore.